It is hard to believe that seven months have passed since my world was turned upside down and the life I once knew would be no more. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday, and other times it feels like I’m stuck in a bad dream I can’t wake up from.
I never imagined that at 58, I would be a widow. We were supposed to grow old together.
If you saw me out and about, you might never know—but the truth is, I am lost without David. I’m often asked, “How are you?” and I never really know how to answer. So I usually just shrug my shoulders and say, “Okay.”
I haven’t returned to nursing. It’s hard to explain, but when David died, that flame—the passion and desire I had for being a nurse—was suddenly extinguished. That realization makes me sad at times. Maybe one day it will return… but for now, I’m allowing myself to just be.
One day, I opened the fridge, and there it was—a jar of eight-month-old sourdough starter that had been gifted to me. I had always wanted to make sourdough bread, but it takes time, and I was always busy… either working or living my best life with David.
Now, I had nothing but time.
I did some research, brought my starter back to life, and baked my first loaf on Thanksgiving Day. It was good… but nothing to write home about.
Still, I kept going.
I continued learning, practicing, and baking—and slowly, my bread began to get better and better. Before Christmas, my tribe—the women who have stood by my side through everything—gathered together, and I made several loaves to share.
They loved them.
My heart rejoiced. Something I created brought others joy—and in that moment, something in me began to heal. That night, the vision for Rapha Artisan Breads was born.
My tribe became my very first customers. They have encouraged me, supported me, and walked alongside me every step of the way.
Making sourdough bread has brought me a deep sense of joy and comfort. It has become an important part of my healing journey.
I miss David more with each passing day, and my heart is still broken.
But when I bake…
I find peace.
I find wholeness.
I find purpose.
I want to thank my daughters for loving and supporting me on this journey—for giving me the courage to do what makes me happy and for always believing in me.